Monday, December 20, 2010
When I was sitting alone; reminiscing, contemplating, anticipating… I realized that I really don’t feel like how I felt about her earlier, I feel much more! That was the time when we were still strangers, trying really hard to know each other, keeping up the respect and not reacting the way we would want to to a lot of things that the other did. Now we are almost one, we know what the other will say even before we begin to speak.
Relationships are a very funny thing. You try hard to build them, once they are strong, you start taking each other for granted, start ‘hurting’ the other one even without realizing that our actions or words might be really hurtful!
Well, I have to confess… I am cursed with a twisted tongue; no matter what I say, even if I try to make it sound good… it comes out either blunt or rude or crude or sarcastic, basically something vile… and this happens only for people who I love and care about. For the insignificant ones, I can build castles in the air with my words but unfortunately the same castles turn to ash when I turn my face towards someone close…
It’s a curse, what to do?
Coming back to the point… something nice for her? What do I tell her? I am who I am because of you? I am the man that you wanted me to be? I changed my entire existence just to match your liking? I am alive just for you… else why would I even bother to write this for her?
She is the meaning of my life, she is my life…
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
I know I know;
guilty as charged… there has been a terrible silence and a really long gap on this
Blog. So long, that even I started to wonder if I should just close the blog and delete the account!
Then, I realized that the sabbatical from biking was long over a few months ago; I rode till the
maddur lake with a few BN biker friends.
Now, again it will be time for our annual ‘distancing of selves’ where the wifey will
go off to places that she yearns to go to, and I will slog my behind in the office… heh heh
But this GAP is going to gift me with 2 wonderful weekends which I intend to put to complete use
and go out riding… destination is not known as of now, but I know I will be out riding my butt off :-)
See you on the road then!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
My sabbatical is now over and I will be riding and writing more… the blog that had absolutely dried up, might just start getting random posts again :)
Wish me luck on my future rides… and do contact me if you want to join in any of them!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Now since my imagination is still a bit too wild, I got transformed in the room where my gramps spent some of his final weeks… I had met him in January, and he was joking, “This is the last time we are meeting, you will not be able to see me again after this” and I commented back, “you will be alive even when my kids get married, you would probably outlive all of us” if only I had known…
Fact is, we all knew… his cancer was growing really bad and that there was no way we could bring him back to the healthier side… we all were just waiting for him to pass on… now that he has actually gone, there is such a big gap! Now way this lacuna can be filled by another person.
It’s so funny that you look up to one person all your life… you love them, and then you despise them, sometimes you hate them… but, you know that they are right there. And then suddenly they are not; they suddenly become a memory of a lifetime!
We all were sitting around that empty bed that was occupied by the memory… a nice laminated picture frame sat on the table across the bed looking at us, a few of us wiping the tears that flow down, uninvited; the other brave ones console the weak and then breakdown themselves.
Death is a very funny thing, cousins who didn’t even acknowledge each other’s presence are now urging the others to take care of their health and ensure that we stay in touch!
Condolences are shared across all the modes of communication, calls, messages, tweets…
The biggest thing will be to go to the online genealogy and put the ‘deceased date’ in front of that name…
Deceased…. Not here any more… Rest In Peace!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Unfortunately this is not the case most of the times. I know a lot of people who spent their lives till now trying to figure out what they like to do and what should they do to do what they like :)
I am now gearing myself up to get off this silly chair and get on the seat of my bike… ride down at least 100 kilometers and feel alive again.
Inshallah that should happen pretty soon now… I can see the leaf turning…
In the words of Richard Bach, “what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly”
Friday, March 19, 2010
I haven’t done a single ride in more than 15 months now, the creativity is drying up slowly, all my friends think that I have moved to another planet because I am hardly available… sometimes even I feel that I have moved to a different planet coz the type of people I am dealing with nowadays are definitely not human!
I guess I need a change; pronto… otherwise I would probably turn into one of those boring uncles who turned old before their time and who just sit and whine and pass really sarcastic comments.
God?!! Are your listening??? If God is busy, any of his assistants listening???