ITERATION

We were sitting, sipping the nectar from the goblets of life; and suddenly she asks me, “Why don’t you say anything nice about me? Don’t you feel the same like how you felt earlier about me? “I was speechless, flabbergasted is the right word actually, and didn’t know what to tell her…

When I was sitting alone; reminiscing, contemplating, anticipating… I realized that I really don’t feel like how I felt about her earlier, I feel much more! That was the time when we were still strangers, trying really hard to know each other, keeping up the respect and not reacting the way we would want to to a lot of things that the other did. Now we are almost one, we know what the other will say even before we begin to speak.

Relationships are a very funny thing. You try hard to build them, once they are strong, you start taking each other for granted, start ‘hurting’ the other one even without realizing that our actions or words might be really hurtful!

Well, I have to confess… I am cursed with a twisted tongue; no matter what I say, even if I try to make it sound good… it comes out either blunt or rude or crude or sarcastic, basically something vile… and this happens only for people who I love and care about. For the insignificant ones, I can build castles in the air with my words but unfortunately the same castles turn to ash when I turn my face towards someone close…
It’s a curse, what to do?

Coming back to the point… something nice for her? What do I tell her? I am who I am because of you? I am the man that you wanted me to be? I changed my entire existence just to match your liking? I am alive just for you… else why would I even bother to write this for her?
She is the meaning of my life, she is my life…

3 Years and counting...

Today apparently marks the 3rrd anniversary of the day when I first met my wifey… A lot of people find it very hard to digest that ours is an ‘arranged marriage’ this means that our parents ‘arranged’ for us to meet before we hit it off…

I wouldn’t forget that day… I was still recovering from my devastatingly bad breakup from an ex-flame. I had decided to go to my parents’ home and recuperate from the emotional, mental, intellectual, spiritual and every other ‘al’ drain…

The first 2 days I was there, I spent my time lazing in front of the idiot box and catching up on all my reading… I reread my collection of Richard Bach books for a super boost since they usually help me out when I am feeling low.

On the third day, sometime in the afternoon post lunch when I was sprawled in my bedroom sleeping with a book; my mum unceremoniously announced that someone has come to visit me. Well since I was at home and I didn’t expect any visitors I was dressed in my usual ‘ghar ka attire’ ganji and chaddis I step out in the living room and find a pretty looking girl sitting on the couch with a bunch of flowers, I jog my brain trying to place her in my memory… was she an ex classmate? A friend from my old college? Someone who I worked with? But all the slots came blank… she was a beautiful stranger.

She introduced herself and I went through an immediate whirlwind of emotions… first anger (why did my mum try to set me up with someone when she knows that I came home to recover from a breakup?) then blushing (first time she came to meet me and I am dressed in tanks and shorts?) and then elation (yaar ladki to badi sundar hai)

We sat and talked random things for a while and then she left… leaving me wanting for more…

The next morning she called, she wanted to meet me again! We decided to catch-up over coffee… I had a haunt whenever I was in Ahmedabad and that was a café called Mocha, I invited her to meet me there.

We met sometime in the morning, around 10ish ordered coffees and started talking… after a while I ordered a hookah (this was more of a test to check if she agrees to me smoking or not) and to my utter surprise, shock and elation she didn’t mind but actually joined in! Wow, I do like this girl...

And then I felt as if I was talking to a long lost friend… in fact we had a lot of friends in common! Couple of her school friends were my girlfriends in college and some of my school friends were her friends in college. We talked and talked and talked some more…

By the time we realized that we have had buckets full of coffee, stomachs full of chow and lungs full of the hookah smoke it was already past 6 in the evening! We had spent over 7 hours on our first date! And there still was a feeling that there was a lot of catching up to do…

We met everyday for the next 4 days and on the fifth day we decided that we are ready to spend the rest of our lives with each other. So on the 6th day we got engaged and early morning on the 8th day; I left back for Bangalore…

In four months we were married and since then, every day I wakeup smiling and thanking my stars that I decided to go for a 7 hour long coffee that morning…

ain't no sunshine when she is gone

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

It's not warm when she's away.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

and she's always gone too long

anytime she goes away.

once again the annual ‘distancing of selves’ happened yesterday when I saw off my sweet wifey… she went away to her parents’ for a month and it actually hurt seeing her go! Maybe coz I had just returned from my two month long ‘stint’ in the UK.

A lot of smart and experienced people have told me, the distancing of selves in a close relationship is very important for both the people involved to better understand and appreciate each other along with knowing your own self.

Hmm, so what more do I need to know about me that I didn’t catch in the past almost 30years? Did I accidentally or intentionally stop talking to myself? Did I cease diving inside my head and getting lost into my thoughts? Humph, maybe…

Thankfully, this time around the not so new job in the new company and the transition of the processes is taking up so much of my conscious time that I hardly notice or acknowledge the passing hours, days and now weeks… since everyone who still has a job cribs and complains about the dwindling market conditions and the uncertainty of the job market globally, I’ve decided that I am not going to join the crib gang or take any stupid hasty decision like quitting my last job on a day’s notice…

This time I will hopefully take it easy, try and manage two different teams… though I am getting methodically drawn and quartered in a very gradual process at the office by my bumbling team of newbies and some really rusted oldies :-) I like it in here since it is still new…

Thanks that the wifey has decided to go away for a month so that I can invest this time in the office and update blogs like these at an ungodly hour of midnight (especially when my day started at 10 in the morning) I do miss her…

I think about her almost all the time… just when I wakeup, thinking that she looks pretty when we wakeup together and smile at each other thanking god for one more day of togetherness and love…

While having my breakfast I wonder if she would’ve had eaten or not?!! Wondering if she will be taking her vitamins…

During the tough times at work when I realize that she will not be waiting for me when I go back home all tired and battered in the evening…

During the long and mindlessly dragging meetings I happily slide in my day dreams about us…

Dreaming about her in my sleep and then the whole cycle starts again the next morning as soon as I wake up :-)

This year I will not complain, crib, or stay cross at my wifey going away… instead, I am going to cherish, relish and treasure this amazingly special relationship that I have with one of the most wonderful souls on this planet.