ITERATION

We were sitting, sipping the nectar from the goblets of life; and suddenly she asks me, “Why don’t you say anything nice about me? Don’t you feel the same like how you felt earlier about me? “I was speechless, flabbergasted is the right word actually, and didn’t know what to tell her…

When I was sitting alone; reminiscing, contemplating, anticipating… I realized that I really don’t feel like how I felt about her earlier, I feel much more! That was the time when we were still strangers, trying really hard to know each other, keeping up the respect and not reacting the way we would want to to a lot of things that the other did. Now we are almost one, we know what the other will say even before we begin to speak.

Relationships are a very funny thing. You try hard to build them, once they are strong, you start taking each other for granted, start ‘hurting’ the other one even without realizing that our actions or words might be really hurtful!

Well, I have to confess… I am cursed with a twisted tongue; no matter what I say, even if I try to make it sound good… it comes out either blunt or rude or crude or sarcastic, basically something vile… and this happens only for people who I love and care about. For the insignificant ones, I can build castles in the air with my words but unfortunately the same castles turn to ash when I turn my face towards someone close…
It’s a curse, what to do?

Coming back to the point… something nice for her? What do I tell her? I am who I am because of you? I am the man that you wanted me to be? I changed my entire existence just to match your liking? I am alive just for you… else why would I even bother to write this for her?
She is the meaning of my life, she is my life…

P.S. I Love You!!!

There are stages in your life when all you do feels mundane and monotonous and still you find really small pockets of time out of the monotony and name them weekends…

Over these weekends you are allowed to and supposed to have all the fun that you have missed out in the past 5 days.

A few days ago, over one of these days of joy… I got some time just to myself; since this seclusion has become a very dear experience I decided that I wanted to invest this time to sit, meditate, ponder and think about a lot of things that have happened in my life in all these past years…

I realized that we rarely get a chance to tell our family, our friends, our loved ones, and all the ones in between… how happy we have been with them and how much they have contributed to make our life a learning experience; sometimes the happy way and the other times with a pinch of salt.

So this day relishing the few spare moments that I had to myself I just wanted to mentally, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually thank all the people who had touched my life in one way or the other…

I sat and in my mind called out all those names that I remembered… some known, some ghosts of the past and some who had now become strangers… and then I thanked each and every one of those individuals.

Just a note to say… P.S. I Love You!

Incase if I haven’t mentioned this to you on your face or over the phone or in any other way.

If you have landed here, you landed here to be thanked for being what you are!

ain't no sunshine when she is gone

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

It's not warm when she's away.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

and she's always gone too long

anytime she goes away.

once again the annual ‘distancing of selves’ happened yesterday when I saw off my sweet wifey… she went away to her parents’ for a month and it actually hurt seeing her go! Maybe coz I had just returned from my two month long ‘stint’ in the UK.

A lot of smart and experienced people have told me, the distancing of selves in a close relationship is very important for both the people involved to better understand and appreciate each other along with knowing your own self.

Hmm, so what more do I need to know about me that I didn’t catch in the past almost 30years? Did I accidentally or intentionally stop talking to myself? Did I cease diving inside my head and getting lost into my thoughts? Humph, maybe…

Thankfully, this time around the not so new job in the new company and the transition of the processes is taking up so much of my conscious time that I hardly notice or acknowledge the passing hours, days and now weeks… since everyone who still has a job cribs and complains about the dwindling market conditions and the uncertainty of the job market globally, I’ve decided that I am not going to join the crib gang or take any stupid hasty decision like quitting my last job on a day’s notice…

This time I will hopefully take it easy, try and manage two different teams… though I am getting methodically drawn and quartered in a very gradual process at the office by my bumbling team of newbies and some really rusted oldies :-) I like it in here since it is still new…

Thanks that the wifey has decided to go away for a month so that I can invest this time in the office and update blogs like these at an ungodly hour of midnight (especially when my day started at 10 in the morning) I do miss her…

I think about her almost all the time… just when I wakeup, thinking that she looks pretty when we wakeup together and smile at each other thanking god for one more day of togetherness and love…

While having my breakfast I wonder if she would’ve had eaten or not?!! Wondering if she will be taking her vitamins…

During the tough times at work when I realize that she will not be waiting for me when I go back home all tired and battered in the evening…

During the long and mindlessly dragging meetings I happily slide in my day dreams about us…

Dreaming about her in my sleep and then the whole cycle starts again the next morning as soon as I wake up :-)

This year I will not complain, crib, or stay cross at my wifey going away… instead, I am going to cherish, relish and treasure this amazingly special relationship that I have with one of the most wonderful souls on this planet.

change

Changes, some needed some requested
Some fall on you unwarranted…

Beg for some, pray for some,
But the change will happen…
…Only, when you are ready for one.

Wished on shooting stars,
Prayed on all the scars
Darned life felt so stagnant
Will this ever change and take me far?

This might sound a little bit strange,
But all we crave for now is a new change.