You became a stranger over the past few decades. I remember I
was only 15, raging hormones and all; and we stopped communicating… I never
forgave you for all that you made us go through, you were one of the reasons I closed
up to the world and became an introvert, always afraid to open up to others in
fear of them going away in the end.
Then I met you again a few months ago; wrinkled, tired and
living on borrowed time. The people who you had listened to and distanced
yourself from us were the ones who were now tired of your existence and
regularly hoped and prayed for you to pass on. What a shame! We loved you so
much! And yet you had to take sides, instead of showing your authority, you
chose to go away.
Later, looking at you lying on the bed, hardly breathing…
people around waiting for you to stop. End the struggle and move on! And I wondered,
do I really know you anymore? You were a stranger who didn’t talk, didn’t even
open his eyes, you were just there… breathing, because you didn’t have anything
else to do. Nothing to say, nothing to convey, you looked tired.
When I got the call that night, everyone around you and me
were calm, composed and collected; they had waited for this moment for a long
time, and when it came… it came a bit too late.
We came to see you in the morning, to bid our farewells one
last time… there you were, an object instead of a being, on the floor tied up
and weighed down by the flowers. Your eyes half open or half closed, the mouth
that I remember was gasping for air had been left open, toothless, and
expressionless, a piece of cotton rudely shoved in as if to gag and choke you
of all that sounds that never came out throughout your lifetime.
When I carried you on my shoulder, I realized that you had
reduced down to nothing! The only weight we felt was of the heaps of the
flowers. Putting you on the pile of wood, smearing ghee on your face, hands,
feet and torso… that cold flesh that meant nothing now. I still remember almost
blurting out to the guys to be careful not to hurt you while they were piling
up the wooden logs on top of you. And the
fire was lit.
The wood caught fire pretty quickly! And so did you… the skull
popped like a fire cracker, leaving a trail of fireworks around. Then popped
the kneecaps and your titanium joints that costed hundreds of thousands just
plonked off like scrap metal… they couldn’t help you stand on your feet or walk
away from the fire… I will not easily forget the sick fervor with which the dom
was going at your remains to hasten the process of burning… it was more than 2
hours that you took to turn into a pile of ash and a few scattered bone bits.
The bits were gathered and washed in milk and water, then
you were placed in a small little earthen pot with a parchment containing your
details and a small prayer to the gods to take you where you belong… these will
be floated in a river someday.
Now, you are gone… your memory lingers and the people who
wished and prayed for your departure are sitting there tired of crying and
feeling guilty about everything they said and did to hurt you, cribbing about
how they could have told you this and asked for that before you left.
Goodbye! May you find whatever you are looking for in the
eternal time and space…. We might meet someday, then we will sit and talk. Till
then, find your peace.
From here, the great NH7 turns into a modest State Highway… but kudos to TN govt for making such great roads, not too many potholes on the way and perfectly picturesque scenery to give us company all the way!
